Friday, August 28, 2009

Pitchfork readers are zombies

Zombie Apocalypse

Short-review week is coming to a close. Don't worry, I have something special planned for next week. In the meantime, I leave you with Mortician's mini-album masterpiece Zombie Apocalypse. It's eight songs of Mortician's patented, tuned-to-Z-flat, kick-off-every-song-with-a-movie-sample brand of gore-grind. You also get covers of Repulsion and Slaughter(CAN). I suppose I should say something about Will Rahmer but I won't. What needs to be said that hasn't already?

I thought Zombie Apocalypse would be appropriate considering that terrible-music website Pitchfork Media's list of this decade's 500 greatest song. Click here for the gory details that I can bring myself to repeat. I will say this: for a site that (allegedly) digs rock music, what the fuck are Beyonce and Eminem doing on that list? Better yet, what's up with all the major label douchebaggery on that list? The whole hipster thing is a giant pose that has nothing to do with music and everything to do with wearing shitty clothes, doing shitty drugs, and date-raping other hipsters. Fuck that shit.

If you need further proof, click here for the real zombie apocalypse; written by an actual zombie. Feel free to detonate this poser's website and be sure to tell him that Brian No Funeral sent you.

Mortician - Zombie Apocalypse


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