Monday, September 15, 2014

The Abandoned Hearts Club and the new ratings system!

Beinvenidos! Brian No Funeral here with the first new post to this website since February. Sorry about the delay but it's not like I haven't been writing. I've spent most of this year contributing music articles to 99 Miles of Bad Blogs and Super Happy Death Cult while trying to finish the novel that I've been on again/off again writing for four years. Basically, when I'm not here, I'm there. But you knew that already.

Also, during the break, I completed the third No Funeral podtape. Click here to listen.

Going forward, I want to use the No Funeral website strictly for music. I'll leave the philosophizing for the other websites. This is going to come at you hard and quick. It's what Rush Limbaugh refers to as the drive-by media. Let's use today's album as an example of what to expect in the future.

[We're still going to start with the cover art like we always have.]

[Then comes the Five Ws (who, what, where, when, and why)]

Who:    The Abandoned Hearts Club

What:   Unreleased debut LP Aloha Cocksuckers

When:  Recorded in 2004. Leaked onto the internet after the band's sudden split.

Where: Toronto, ON

Why:    The album was shelved by Abacus Recordings in 2004. The band broke up shortly after.

[Then comes what I call the Radness Average or star rating. The average is derived from the number of stars assigned to each song on a scale of 1-5, then added together, and then divided by the number of songs of the record. An IBA of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great album. An IBA of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. The 3s and the 2s are the average albums. Here's what the IBA breakdown looks like.]

The Abandoned Hearts Club - Aloha Cocksuckers - Abacus Recordings

1.  Admissions of a Sales Clerk -- ***
2.  When Pawnbrokers Cash In -- *****
3.  Israel -- *****
4.  Metropolitan Sentences -- *****
5.  Neon Delusions -- *****
6.  Folk Music -- ****
7.  Blister Quicksand -- *****

Radness Average = 4.571

Verdict: Unstoppable hate!

The Abandoned Hearts Club - Aloha Cocksuckers 


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