Monday, September 22, 2014

White Zombie - Astro-Creep: 2000 -- Songs of Love, Destruction and Other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head





Who:  White Zombie

What:  Final LP from the legendary horror/comic book/junk culture/sci-fi metal band.

When:  April 1995

Where:  New York City

Why:   After five years on the Geffen death star, wicked in-fighting spells doom for a band at the height of its fame.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

White Zombie - Astro-Creep: 2000 - Geffen Records

1.  Electric Head: The Agony (Part 1) -- *****
2.  Super-Charger Heaven -- *****
3.  Real Solution #9 -- *****
4.  Creature of the Wheel -- *****
5.  Electric Head: The Ecstasy (Part 2) -- *****
6.  Grease Paint and Monkey Brains - *****
7.  I, Zombie -- *****
8.  More Human Than Human -- *****
9.  El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blast-O-Rama -- *****
10.  Blur the Technicolor -- *****
11.  Blood, Milk, and Sky -- *****

Radness Average:  5.000


White Zombie - Astro-Creep: 2000


Verdict:  Ka-Boom! Blammo!

For fans of:  The little-known, obscure metal band named White Zombie.







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White Zombie - God of Thunder





Who:  White Zombie

What:  First release with riff-master guitarist Jay Yuenger. Released on Caroline.

When:  October 1989

Where:  New York City

Why:   This EP is the first appearance of the White Zombie that we all know and love. The goth and 80s influences are gone. The Metallica-knob got cracked to 11.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

White Zombie - God of Thunder - Caroline

1.  God of Thunder (Kiss) -- ****
2.  Love Razor -- *****
3.  Disaster Blaster II -- *****



Radness Average:  4.667


White Zombie - God of Thunder


Verdict:  Jay was the missing piece of the puzzle. This band got really awesome once he joined.

For fans of:  White Zombie. Is anyone really unfamiliar with this band?




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Beastplague - Beastplague





Who:  Beastplague

What:  Debut CD of brutal death/grind self-released by these Miami maniacs.

When:  February 2014

Where:  Broward County, FL

Why:   South Florida demonstrated that it has more to offer than just booty-bass rap with the most brutal nine minutes of music that you will hear all year.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

Beastplague - Beastplague - self-released

1.  Concubina Sordibus -- *****
2.  True Force -- *****
3.  Full Sequence -- *****
4.  Fortis Quadramanus -- *****
5.  Ruined -- *****
6.  Castration - *****
7.  Glorified Rottendom -- *****
8.  No Future, No Past -- *****
9. An Evolution of Violence -- *****
10.  Self-Extinction -- *****


Radness Average:  5.000


Beastplague - Beastplague


Verdict:  One of the very rare perfect albums to be released this year. You have to check this out right now.

For fans of:  Insect Warfare, Shitstorm, Cellgraft, Discordance Axis, Origin




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Xaphan/Primitive Man - Split EP




Who:  Xaphan and Primitive Man

What:  Split 7" EP of blackened doom metal released on Init Records.

When:  2014

Where:  Minneapolis, MN/Denver, CO

Why:   Twin Cities occultists join forces with Denver hate-stoners to make one of the year's best 7" records.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]


Xaphan/Primitive Man - Split 7" EP - Init Records

1.  Cold Surge (Xaphan) -- *****
2.  The Ties That Bind and Sever -- ****


Radness Average:  4.500


Xaphan/Primitive Man - Split 7" EP


Verdict:  Xaphan barely wins the brutality contest over Primitive Man but the real winners here are the listeners.

For fans of: Cursed, Trap Them, Black Anvil, Tragedy, Nails




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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Heisenberg - Heisenberg



Who:  Heisenberg

What:  Self-released debut full-length CD of slam/death metal.

When:  2014

Where:  Long Island, NY

Why:   Former members of The Forrest Gump Mile High Marathon carry on the NY slam-death tradition of sick riffs mixed with horror samples.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

Heisenberg - Heisenberg - self-released

1.  Plecostomus Prime -- *****
2.  Meth Shots -- *****
3.  Explosive Innards -- ****
4.  Glory Hole Confession Session -- *****
5.  The Pantera Factor -- *****
6.  Black Metal Joe - ****
7.  Razorblade Enema -- ****
8.  Fulminated Mercury -- *****


Radness Average:  4.625


Heisenberg - Heisenberg


Verdict:  Explosive debut from a promising new band. Can't wait to hear more.

For fans of:  Dying Fetus, Mortician, Malevolent Creation, Devourment, Embalmer




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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Negativland - U2



Who:  Negativland

What:  Controversial 12" EP that proved to be Negativland's final release for SST Records. U2 got Negativland sued by Island Records, U2, and even SST Records.

When:  1991

Where:  Concord, CA

Why:   No one with a soul can resist skewering the most pompous windbags of the 1980s.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

Negativland - U2 - SST

1.  I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (1991 A Capella Mix) -- *****
2.  I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Special Edit Radio Mix) -- *****


Radness Average:  5.000


Negativland - U2



Verdict: A 5.0 Radness Average is not handed out lightly. Negativland is one of the only bands that can accurately be described as unique.

For fans of:  Culturcide, UltraViolence, Robert Anton Wilson, Clyde Lewis, KMFDM




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Puig Destroyer - Debut EP




Who:  Puig Destroyer

What:  Debut 7" of baseball-themed grindcore released on The Ghost Is Clear Records

When:  2013

Where:  Los Angeles, CA

Why:   This side project of Thrice and Curl Up & Die members started as a love letter to the LA Dodgers but has now taken on a life of its own. Debut LP soon.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]


Puig Destroyer - Debut EP - The Ghost Is Clear Records

1.  One Man, Five Tools -- *****
2.  Dad Hat -- ****
3.  Destroyer of Baseballs -- ****
4.  Nine and Never Apart -- *****
5.  Basebrawl -- *****
6. Stop Fucking Bunting! -- *****


Radness Average:  4.667


Puig Destroyer - Debut EP


Verdict: Stop fucking bunting! (a.k.a. mandatory listening)

For fans of: actual Pig Destroyer, Nasum, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Discordance Axis, baseball




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Monday, September 15, 2014

Insect Warfare - Single-sided LP



Who:  Insect Warfare

What:  Single-sided LP released by 625 Thrashcore.

When:  2009

Where:  Houston, TX

Why:   The final release from H-Town's greatest grindcore weirdos.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

Insect Warfare - Single-sided LP - 625 Thrashcore

1. Unititled -- ****

Radness Average:  4.000


* A note about this release:
On its final album, Insect Warfare played a little prank on its fans, critics, and haters alike. Insect Warfare broke up instead of venturing into the world of professional death metal. The band's sound was changing into a more power electronics direction anyway. So, in order to stick it to the man one final time, the single-sided LP is a lone nine-minute-long blast of caustic noise. This record is a final middle finger delivered to those who expected this band to go through the motions for decades on end for little to no reward. I appreciate the sentiment but I gave this record a four instead of a five because of the lack of traditional grind. I get it, fight the power and all that, but don't forget who "brung ya" to the dance.


Insect Warfare - Single-sided LP


Verdict:  Cool but not essential.

For fans of: Anal Cunt, CSSO, Gore Beyond Necropsy, Bastard Noise, Yatagarasu.




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Secret Cutter - Secret Cutter



Who:  Secret Cutter

What:  Debut LP self-released by the band.

When:  2014

Where:  Bethlehem, PA.

Why:   Sludge/doom/grind from a part of the country that has been crushed by the recession. Heavy music for heavy times.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

Secret Cutter - Secret Cutter - self-released

1.  Mirror Mirror -- *****
2.  Deformed Eye -- *****
3.  17.5 Dead Air -- *****
4.  Craving the Silence -- ****
5.  Vow of Poverty -- *****
6.  Shake the Malevolent -- *****
7.  Midtro -- *****
8.  End of Sylvan -- *****
9.  Headache Ball -- *****
10.  Driftwood -- *****


Radness Average:  4.900


Secret Cutter - Secret Cutter


Verdict: This record will chart high on the No Funeral Best of 2014 list.  This is my favorite album of the year so far.

For Fans of:  Trap Them, Cursed, Crowbar, Xibalba, what Victory Records used to call "evilcore."




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NoComply/XBRAINIAX - split EP




Who:  NoComply and XBRAINIAX

What:  Split 7" EP released by To Live A Lie Records.

When:  2006

Where:  St. Augustine, FL and Clinton Township, MI

Why:   Florida skatecore/powerviolence band joins forces with Michigan fastcore maniacs to ensure maximum casualties.

[The Radness Average (or star rating) is derived from assigning each song a number of stars based on a 1-5 scale, then adding the total number of stars, and then dividing that number of total stars by the number of songs on the record. A Radness Average of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great record. A Radness Average of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. Everything else is in the middle somewhere.]

NoComply/XBRAINIAX - Split 7" EP - To Live A Lie

(Tracks 1-6 by NoComply. Tracks 7-16 by XBRAINIAX)


1.  Who We Are -- ****
2.  Ogar Part II -- ****
3.  Still Pole Bashin' -- *****
4.  Song #32 (Stikky) -- *****
5.  Judy's Back in Court -- *****
6.  I'd Rather Wear Speedos -- ****
7.  KOB 2006 -- *****
8.  Snake Culture -- *****
9.  Pwn3d Community -- ****
10.  Fedaykin -- *****
11.  Not in my Circle Pit -- ****
12.  No Surprise -- ****
13.  Reprezent -- *****
14.  Sunken Tomb -- ****
15.  Red Out -- *****
16.  My Life (Lack of Interest) -- *****


Radness Average:  4.563




Verdict: Bong-rattling skate grind at its finest. Recommended.

For Fans of: Spazz, Charles Bronson, Los Crudos, raw hardcore




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The Abandoned Hearts Club and the new ratings system!



Beinvenidos! Brian No Funeral here with the first new post to this website since February. Sorry about the delay but it's not like I haven't been writing. I've spent most of this year contributing music articles to 99 Miles of Bad Blogs and Super Happy Death Cult while trying to finish the novel that I've been on again/off again writing for four years. Basically, when I'm not here, I'm there. But you knew that already.

Also, during the break, I completed the third No Funeral podtape. Click here to listen.

Going forward, I want to use the No Funeral website strictly for music. I'll leave the philosophizing for the other websites. This is going to come at you hard and quick. It's what Rush Limbaugh refers to as the drive-by media. Let's use today's album as an example of what to expect in the future.

[We're still going to start with the cover art like we always have.]




[Then comes the Five Ws (who, what, where, when, and why)]

Who:    The Abandoned Hearts Club

What:   Unreleased debut LP Aloha Cocksuckers

When:  Recorded in 2004. Leaked onto the internet after the band's sudden split.

Where: Toronto, ON

Why:    The album was shelved by Abacus Recordings in 2004. The band broke up shortly after.

[Then comes what I call the Radness Average or star rating. The average is derived from the number of stars assigned to each song on a scale of 1-5, then added together, and then divided by the number of songs of the record. An IBA of 4.0 or higher indicates a good or great album. An IBA of 2.0 or less indicates pure crap. The 3s and the 2s are the average albums. Here's what the IBA breakdown looks like.]

The Abandoned Hearts Club - Aloha Cocksuckers - Abacus Recordings

1.  Admissions of a Sales Clerk -- ***
2.  When Pawnbrokers Cash In -- *****
3.  Israel -- *****
4.  Metropolitan Sentences -- *****
5.  Neon Delusions -- *****
6.  Folk Music -- ****
7.  Blister Quicksand -- *****

Radness Average = 4.571

Verdict: Unstoppable hate!



The Abandoned Hearts Club - Aloha Cocksuckers 







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Sunday, February 9, 2014

No Warning - Resurrection Of The Wolf

No Warning
Resurrection Of The Wolf
Bad Actor Records






After an eight-year-long hiatus, Toronto's No Warning returns with a new 7" of hard-hitting, pit-friendly hardcore. No Warning originally existed from 1998-2005. The band issued two EPs and two LPs during its initial run. What happened in the early 2000s that spelled doom for this band? That would be an attempt at selling out.

In the two years after the release of No Warning's classic album Ill Blood, the band signed with SUM 41's producer and with LINKIN PARK's management. The band recorded a far more radio-friendly record titled Suffer, Survive and played on the Projekt Revolution tour with KORN, SNOOP DOGG, and LESS THAN JAKE.

...And then it was over. The members of No Warning couldn't agree on a career path. Some of them wanted to return to the band's old hardcore sound. The others wanted to keep pursuing the modern rock sound. In late 2005, the members of No Warning went their separate ways, most notably with vocalist Ben Cook joining FUCKED UP and guitarist Jared Posner joining TERROR.

I suppose eight years is how long it took for No Warning to return to its old sound but that's exactly what happened last year. The band recorded one new song "Resurrection Of The Wolf" along with a cover of "Bloodsucker" by VIOLENT MINDS. A two-song 7" was released on Cook's Bad Actor Records; and all was right with the universe once again.

The band members have declared that there will be no live shows, essentially reducing No Warning to a studio project, but that's okay. No Warning's members are in no hurry to leave their currently successful bands. Cook put it best when he said, "I have no interest playing live. I don't want dudes yelling in my face or jumping on me."

On a personal note, No Warning is of great interest to me because they opened one of the best shows I've ever seen. It was Thanksgiving weekend in 2004 and HATEBREED, TERROR, FULL BLOWN CHAOS, and NO WARNING played Club Tundra (formerly and currently known as Lost Horizons) in Syracuse, NY. It was the second most violent show I've ever seen. I counted somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 ejections and four arrests throughout the course of the evening. It was a good time for the whole family.

No Warning was cool then and the band still rules. If you like rock music at all, you're going to love this.







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Saturday, February 8, 2014

New Lows - Harvest Of The Carcass

New Lows
Harvest Of The Carcass
Deathwish Inc.






Back in 2004, Arrested Development came on the same night and time as Desperate Housewives. Although AxDx was the superior show, Wisteria Lane won the ratings war. What does this have to do with anything? Well, Boston's own New Lows got "Arrested Development-ed" in 2011. Let me explain.

In 2011, New Lows issued its debut LP Harvest Of The Carcass through respected metalcore label Deathwish Inc. Although billed as BOLT THROWER influenced (it's not), Harvest Of The Carcass does feature an enraged yet enjoyable combination of East Coast beatdown hardcore and Cleveland hatecore. Imagine a mix of RINGWORM and OVERCAST. Sounds awesome, right? That's what I thought too. I'm not sure if New Lows or if Deathwish Inc. dreamt up that Bolt Thrower garbage but it did the band no favors. If New Lows sounds like anybody, the band sounds like DIECAST. The marketing machine runs off the road once again.

Anyway, my first exposure to New Lows came when the band opened for Ringworm at Red7 back in 2011. Having never heard them before that night, I was thoroughly impressed. New Lows had good songs and a good live show. For a brief moment, it appeared to me as though New Lows may become some manner of "buzz band" and be off to bigger and better things. Yes, it appeared that way but then something happened.

What happened was NAILS played after New Lows and before Ringworm. I was in the same situation with Nails, not being familiar with the band, but the setlist was essentially all of the Unsilent Death album. Nails had successfully stolen the show. Nails was the Desperate Housewives to New Lows's Arrested Development. Since 2011, Nails has eclipsed New Lows in every way measurable yet New Lows is a strong band. I thought that New Lows would have a higher profile in the metal world by now but it seems that the band has been forgotten. If not forgotten, New Lows is largely going unnoticed in the metal community.

This needs to change. Harvest Of the Carcass is a powerful record and New Lows has new material on the way later this year. Get on board now before your friends and coworkers are all rocking hundreds of dollars worth of New Lows merch, just like your friends and coworkers do with Nails right now.







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Thursday, February 6, 2014

Yuck - Glow & Behold

Yuck
Glow & Behold
Fat Possum






I meant to have more records posted by now but I've been having one software issue after another lately. Today, it was YouTube. After hours of wrestling with HTML code and other internet shittiness, the problems are fixed. This is the test video. Glow & Behold by Yuck was yet another promo/preview album that popped up in Ye Olde Inbox. I have no investment in this record. In fact, I didn't particularly care for it. It's well played, mellowish whatever. You my dig it. That's why I used it as a guinea pig.

Through the remainder of the month, the record reviews will continue as normal but change is coming this Spring. In the meantime...







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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Taproot - Welcome

Taproot
Welcome
Atlantic






This is the second portion of our "What If...?" game with the Ann Arbor, MI rock band Taproot. Please click here if you missed the first part.

Welcome is Taproot's second major label album. It is the band's best selling album and its only gold record (as of Feb. 2014). Welcome contains the band's breakout hit "Poem" as well as the moderate radio hit "Mine." In fact, "Poem" was such a smash that it finished fifth on the Bllboard 2002 Mainstream Rock Singles chart. A third single, "Art" was scheduled for a video shoot and a CD/7" release but the project was curiously scrapped at the last minute by Atlantic Records; echoing fan and media speculation that the label was holding the band back.

This is a further extension of Taproot's record company problems that I voiced last week. Gift was rushed to retail in order meet an arbitrary corporate deadline. The promotion of Welcome was mismanaged. I'll explore the mismanagement of Taproot next week when I combine Gift and Welcome into a single LP. I intend to prove that, had Atlantic Records not put the screws to Taproot, a hypothetical single LP would have been a massive hit instead of the two existing LPs being moderate hits.

In the meantime, let's find out why signing with major labels is bad news. Unsigned musicians out there reading this: you need to pay close attention.

It all started with a guy named David Benveniste. He founded (and still owns) the Velvet Hammer Music and Management Group. The company was founded in 1997 so that Benveniste could focus his energies on getting his first client SYSTEM OF A DOWN signed to Columbia Records. Velvet Hammer entered into a joint venture with both Atlantic and Columbia which would funnel Velvet Hammer clients into major label record deals. During the period of 1997-2004, Velvet Hammer guided not only System of a Down but MUDVAYNE, THE DEFTONES, ONE REPBUBLIC, POISON THE WELL, GRATITUDE, and TAPROOT to stardom. It was that final signing that proved to be the sticky wicket.

The year before Benveniste and Velvet Hammer crossed paths with Taproot in 1999, Fred Durst and Flip Records had already offered them a deal. Now remember, this is 1998 and Taproot formed in 1997. You'd think that an unsigned band that's only been around for a year would jump at pretty much anything offered to them but Taproot dragged its feet. What gives?

What gives is that Taproot spent a sizeable portion of 1998 opening for System of a Down around the Midwest. Through System of a Down, Benveniste signed Taproot to Velvet Hammer and, through Velvet Hammer, Atlantic snaked Taproot right from under the noses of Flip Records. This enraged Durst to the point of leaving a hateful voicemail for Taproot vocalist Stephen Richards. The voicemail trashed Taproot, Benveniste, and Atlantic Records while Durst threatens to sabotage Taproot's career.

Hell, why am I typing this? The internet exists. Here's the actual voicemail:





While this makes for great "behind the scenes" stories, the harsh reality is that Taproot was a victim of its manager's success. During the years when the band was firing all cylinders (not that Taproot sucks now, they don't, but the band was in such a groove during the early 2000s that it could do no wrong), Taproot didn't score as big of a hit as its fellow Velvet Hammer clients. Taproot went gold when everyone else went platinum and the band got lost in the shuffle.

The band would release one more album on Atlantic before moving on to Victory Records. It's worth noting that Taproot regained its prominence in the modern rock world after switching to a smaller label that was emotionally invested in the band as well as financially.

So, that's the story of Taproot's wild ride in Hollywood. Tune in next week when we conclude the Taproot series. Please enjoy the promo video for "Poem" followed by the full album stream of Welcome.










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